


sense of lost, thrice

by bokutoe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College, Coming Out, Fluff, Iwa-chan, Kiss Kiss Fall in Love, M/M, Maybe angst, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutoe/pseuds/bokutoe
Summary: oikawa tooru reminisces on the three times he felt like he lost his precious iwa-chan.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	sense of lost, thrice

**Author's Note:**

> i’m writing this 5 hours before my exam, i haven’t gotten any sleepy yet. forgive me if it’s crappy, it’s 3 am owo

Oikawa kissed Iwaizumi, and the constellations that he worked so hard to keep in the sky started to crash into the lands that he created in his mind. His skin was prickling with excitement, his legs wrapped around Iwaizumi’s waist. Both of them tangled up against each other, warmth radiating from where their lips touch. 

For once, perhaps twice or even thrice, he felt alive. It was perfect.

The way Hajime held him closer by the waist as he gently brushed his fingers along Tooru’s hair felt incredibly warm, the latter melting into his touch, his warmth, his unspoken fondness and gentleness. 

Surrounded by nothing but the space both of them created for themselves, Oikawa felt himself smiling against Iwaizumi’s lips, he definitely wants this forever. 

Even if it means losing it once, twice - thrice. 

*

Hajime was late again, it’s already 2 am yet he still hasn’t arrived home. Tooru already missed his boyfriend’s scent and the way his brows automatically furrows as soon as he sees Oikawa smiling up at him with a glint of mischief. 

The door clicked, and later it slammed as Iwaizumi hummed “I’m home” mostly to himself, but that didn’t stop Oikawa from getting up from their bed and rushing to the living room to greet his exhausted boyfriend. 

He wrapped his arms against the shorter male’s neck, giving kisses to his forehead, nose, cheeks, jaw and lastly his lips that felt soft yet chapped.

Then he smelled an unfamiliar scent on Iwaizumi, he let his boyfriend go as he prepared a bath for him to relax into. His hands were shaking, he didn’t know what he was feeling but anything can be possible, perhaps Iwa found someone new to love, maybe he doesn’t like Oikawa anymore maybe—

“Tooru?” The shaking stopped, he sighed in relief as he forced himself to smile at Iwaizumi. 

“Just wait for a little bit, Iwa-chan. You should eat first!” he pushed his boyfriend away from the bathroom as the welling in his chest worsens. 

He watched Iwaizumi enjoy his meal, yet he noticed that his eyes kept glancing back to his phone. “Tough day today?” 

Hajime was startled, but nodded, he continued to eat in silence as Tooru watched him. “Just... projects, and training, you know?” Tooru lowered his head, acknowledging the fact that his boyfriend is just busy. But something in him just hurts that he can’t help but blurt out, 

“Are you hiding something from me?” 

Iwaizumi stopped chewing, he simply stared at Oikawa with a dull expression for a moment before gulping down a cup of water. 

“What?” 

“I said, are you hiding something from me? Iwa-chan.” he stated, practically glaring at his boyfriend but at this point his insecurities are eating him up. 

“No.” 

“But you smell like—“ 

“What?” 

“You smell different.” _Like... someone else._

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened, then he sniffed himself and made a gagging sound. “You’re right.” He stood up with dishes in his hands and put them at the sink, letting them rest there as he headed to the bathroom. 

Oikawa was starting to get suspicious, and that was the second time he felt like he lost his precious Iwaizumi. 

He ignored Iwaizumi for 3 days before knocking on the door of their room to talk things out. 

It all turned out to be a misunderstanding, thankfully. Iwaizumi was just indeed busy with school and training, he was dragged to a nearby club by his friends, he made sure all of them were safely home since they were drunk before he went home himself, he was the only one sober, after all. 

He apologised to Oikawa for not telling him beforehand and that he made him insecure, he apologised by giving his boyfriend gentle kisses after bumping him with his forehead for misunderstanding. 

He showered his lover with love and attention. 

*

The first time Tooru actually felt like he lost his Hajime was when both of them were still in high school, reckless and quite stupid. Innocent but also curious, on their way back to school was silent until Iwaizumi said the following : 

“I lost my virginity.” 

He had a quite smug look plastered all over his face, and Oikawa’s mouth hung open, he stopped dead in his tracks. “W-what? With who?” He tried to sound as gleeful as possible. 

“With this boy in class 1.”

Turns out his own best friend is gay and he only found out about it through him talking about losing his virginity. Oikawa felt defeated, and his sense of pride was shattered, he did not talk to Iwa-chan for over a week before an angry Hajime stomped his way to Tooru’s room and confronted him about it. 

“Are you grossed out?”

“No-“ 

“You fucking are! Idiot!” 

“Iwa-chan, I’m not!” 

“Then why are you fucking avoiding me?” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes were glossy, tears wanting to fall but he was visibly trying not to let them out. His cheeks were red, and his shoulders were shaking. 

Oikawa felt hopeless, so he looked at the ground without uttering a word, he did not know what to say, because the words that were dying to be let out were stuck in his throat. Iwaizumi scoffed, “You truly are a crappy guy.” turning away from the boy and walking out of his life. 

For over a month.

Until their teammates were forcing them to make up but Iwaizumi was fuming so they stopped bothering him, instead they went to Oikawa yet he ignored them. So he took it upon himself and asked Iwaizumi to wait for him outside their clubroom to talk, Iwaizumi did not reply, but he waited nonetheless. 

As Oikawa was closing up the clubroom he was greeted by Iwaizumi, whose frown was deepening each time he tried to smile at him, “Speak.” 

“Iwa-chan-“ 

“Stop calling me that.” 

“Fine, Hajime. I’m sorry.” 

This time Iwaizumi focused on Oikawa, his eyes were screaming hurt and anger and so much emotion that Oikawa wanted to kiss all those off and replace it with happy, happy, happy, happy, happy. 

“‘s fine.” Iwaizumi muttered, he crossed his arms as he waited for Oikawa to finish. 

“I’m really happy that you told me all about it, you know? I’m sorry for the way I reacted, I had something to say but I just couldn’t say it back then.” Oikawa sheepishly continued, “I- um,” 

“Just fucking say it Shittykawa! I’m losing my patience here.” 

“I like you!” 

Time suddenly stopped, Hajime uncrossed his arms and let them fall to his sides. Tooru closed his eyes, expecting his best friend to smack him on the head. But he did not, instead he felt Iwaizumi push past him and ran away. Oikawa chased after him, calling out to his best friend. 

When he finally did catch up he yanked Iwaizumi by the collar and both of them stumbled before finally stopping, “Iwa-chan! You are way too fast at running!” 

“Fuck you.” Iwaizumi wheezed, his expression irritated. But tears were starting to fall from his eyes that he rubbed them roughly as he turned away from Oikawa. 

“I thought you hated me, you shit.” he whispered, loud enough for the other boy to hear. Oikawa approached the crying male and wrapped his arms around him, softly caressing his back as he let Iwaizumi cry onto the crook of his neck. 

“I could never, Iwa-chan.” 

That was also the first time that Oikawa confirmed his own feelings for his best friend. 

*

The third time was different, Oikawa felt like he couldn’t breathe. His heart was hammering and the only thing he could hear was the beeping sound from the hospital room Iwaizumi was in, he ignored everyone else and just stared at his boyfriend who was lying on the hospital bed unmoving. He saved a little girl from getting hit by a pole, that resulted in him getting his head hit instead then he collapsed. 

He slowly walked towards him and grasped his hand, he knelt beside the bed and started to wail. “Idiot, Idiot, Idiot, Idiot Iwa-chan!” 

Tooru was hoping for Iwa to at least grunt and flick his fingers to his forehead but he was just lying there, eyes peacefully closed, his chest slowly rising and falling back down. He silently held his hand tightly until visiting hours were over, Iwaizumi’s sister had to drag Oikawa out. 

Things weren’t the same as they were without Iwaizumi, Oikawa felt like shit and useless that he couldn’t do anything. 

But he waited, it took over a week for the bed ridden male to wake up but when he did, the first person he saw was Oikawa, taking up his field of vision as his lover jumped and started kissing his face. 

Iwaizumi’s head hurt, but he didn’t care. Because he knows all this time Oikawa was by his side, leaving only when he needed to. 

Tooru was smiling, smiling at his lover, smiling at his stubborn Hajime. He’s relieved that his boyfriend finally woke up and seemed to be doing fine, the doctors said he can be discharged in 4 days. Hajime is fine, they’re fine. They’re okay. 

“Iwa-chan!” he cried, snuggling his own face to Iwaizumi’s chest, his boyfriend laughed, voice still hoarse. He was listening to Iwaizumi’s heartbeat and the vibrations of his laughter, how his voice is rough and velvet and so deep he realised how much he missed hearing him. 

“I’m here idiot, I love you.” 

“I love you so much.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope whoever read this fanfic enjoyed it!!


End file.
